Terrifying Presence

A burning bush moment

So many encounters
None like tonight's.

The air grew heavy
Weighing down on me
My limbs numb

An otherness upon me
Pinned down
Breathing is difficult
Paralysed

Perhaps this is how Daniel felt
Prostrate before God

For the first time
I glimpse at how awesome
How terrifying, how petrifying
God is

I could be snuffed out in a moment
Not just small but utterly insignificant
Nothinq, less than nothing
Terrified but cannot run

Great ls The Lord
Awesome. Majestic.
Overpowering.

I have no words even to repent
Prostrate is not low enough!
O that the ground would open and swallow me!

May I always live in reverent fear of my God!

To Chase or Be Chased?

The spiritual Gurus say, 'You can only have bliss if you don't chase it.' Is that a universal truth?

Have I not been taught to pursue God with all my heart, mind and soul? Am I to find God or am I to be found?


Without an intense desire for God and God alone, one cannot hope to find Him, I'm told. Until you gasp for Him like air underwater, as the deer panteth, and with every effort of the mind and soul. But at the end of my yearning and searching and doubting and fighting, comes the realisation that even with the best of my efforts - it is only He who finds me and reveals Himself to me.

Like Jacob and the dislocated hip.

In moments of silence with God, I only come to be aware of Him when finally I grow tired struggling with my vain thoughts, random emotions, and endless imaginations. In my journey, only when I reach the end of the rope - all hope and strength lost - I can let go and fall into the open arms that's always been there, waiting.

How long must I continue this pursuit before I realise I am being pursued by the Hound of Heaven? As Merton would say, how far must we go to find the One who is already in us? And the old axiom goes - 'Let go, and let God!'

So perhaps it is right to say: 'You can only find God when you cease chasing Him'

To chase or be chased, that is the question.

But to stop chasing... that's the struggle of a lifetime.